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I’d had gay friends back home, but this guy was over-the-top. He didn’t seem to have an ounce of masculinity in him. ‘Who are you to judge me, anyway?’ I shot back. ‘Pleaaase, hon. You look like you could use some help.’ He said, rolling his eyes and sitting down next to me. ‘Help? For what. I’m fine, I’m just sitting here reading my book.’ He was getting on my nerves. ‘Yeah, but you’re ALONE. And look at the way you’re dressed. I’m sure you have a fine body underneath all those baggy clothes.’ He smiled at me. I felt my heart skip a beat. It had been a long time since I’d seen someone smile like that, or since I’d gotten a compliment. ‘So you came over here to diss me and then try to compliment me? Nice.’ I don’t know why I was being so mean to him. ‘What’s wrong? Is it girlfriend troubles? I could help that, you know.’ He took my hand. I shoved it away and said ‘I’M FINE. Just… Go away. Please!?’ I stood up. He just kept smiling and stood up, as well. He grabbed a pen out of his. I tried to talk to my mum about it buther reaction was to go straight to my father who promptly beat me withhis belt and told me no son of his was going to be a "fairy'.I reacted in the only way I could, internalising everything, and to therest of the world tried to be the boy they told me I should be. Imanaged this trick for a few years but inside I knew it was a charade.I felt increasingly conflicted until one memorable day when I was about11. My parents had gone for the day to visit a prospective universitywith my older sister and I was left to roam the house alone.I found my way to my sister's room and it was the usual teenage girlsroom with clothes strewn all over the floor and bed. I stood in themiddle of her room and I imagined this was my room and these were myclothes. I was shaking with excitement as I picked up one of her brasfrom the floor and I almost fainted as I felt the the soft materialslide through my fingers. It felt so naughty to be touching her clothesand it was a.
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